tales from a foolish childhood.

August 11, 2009

when i was a silly young child, my family decided to go on a short vacation. not understanding that the milk wouldn’t go bad after three days unattended in the refrigerator, the night before the trip i opened the fridge door and hauled the 4 litre jug out with both of my tiny little hands. a good fifth of it was still full, but for some reason i reckoned that i could handle it. drink after drink, i poured the creamy froth out into my little Disney Princess plastic cup. after about 3 cups of the stuff i most likely resembled a miniature, recently unemployed, middle-aged man in a rumpled suit sitting at a bar, looking a bit on the green side but still resolutely downing the shots a sympathetic bartender was doling out. needless to say, around the 5th cup in, my body rejected the dairy product and my hatred for anything stronger than skim milk was born.

recently i was appointed to help finish the milk, so tonight, i poured it out into a cup and steeled myself, gagging a bit at how smooth and creamy it looked. and then, i realized what i had to do.

people have undoubtedly heard of watering strong alcohol down, but who’s ever endorsed the watering down of a godforsaken dairy product? apparently, i do. in fact, right now i am drinking, of all things, watered down chocolate milk.

so thank you, cow population, for officially making me the wimpiest person alive on earth. but know this; i will have my revenge.

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4 Responses to “tales from a foolish childhood.”

  1. lonelydesperation Says:

    And what revenge will you have? Produce your own milk in large quantities and make the cows drink it?

    • readersbeware Says:

      i haven’t quite decided yet…but velle est posse. all i know is that it will be delicious and may possibly involve steak diane.

  2. lonelydesperation Says:

    What’s steak diane? Diane is the cow’s name? Anyways, I don’t see how eating steak qualifies as revenge. Everybody does that anyways. Lame.

    • readersbeware Says:

      the plan is still in the works! and, you haven’t lived properly if you haven’t tried steak diane…it’s delicious. 🙂


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